Wednesday, 7 September 2011

silly me...

Hi guys :) *dusts cobwebs and boots squatters off blog*. I realize i haven't posted anything in a while and i'm sorry,but i'm not gonna bore you with reasons and excuses because you probably don't care and i honestly can't be bothered :p

When i started this blog i was doing the whole 'i'm-smart-and-i'm-going-to-bless-you-with-my-ample-supply-of-common-sense' thing.But i sort of swayed off the path with my last couple of posts.It's become more about my life hasn't it?Ah well,let's just go with it.

I haven't always been this well put together.once upon a time,believe it or not,i was a very stupid little girl. Fuck off with your sarcastic comments, i've already anticipated them :) (but mind my french though.i recently started working for this french dude and i think his crass ways are rubbing off on me).

Who remembers when they got 'the talk' about menstruation from their mum?Look,if you're a boy and you're actually trying to remember, i cry for you.I never got the mum claims she tried but i didn't know what a vagina was so she figured i wasn't ready to know.Times change eh?That little lapse of judgment caused me grief for 3 days and i'll tell you why.

My best friend at the time was Emma.Brilliant girl,smart,somewhat of a tomboy (now she's a single mother,a heavy smoker and drinker, and oh yeah, an atheist).Anyway,we were talking once and she told me that if a boy touches your 'peepee' and you bleed after a few days,it means you've been knocked up.

A THOUGHT: Wouldn't the world be so peaceful if that's how it worked?Us girls would just get a man per geographical region to 'touch' and get us pregnant.We'd send the rest of you packing to another planet. *sigh* Wishes.

Fast forward 2 years.i'm 10 years pubic hair starts sprouting,my boobs are growing fast and i'm the envy of every girl in my class.they'd stare in wonder whenever we were changing for P.E. or swimming lessons.I was the titty boss B-) Look at me now :(  Anyway,i was daddy's little girl so naturally i wanted him to teach me how to NOT judge me -_____-

My first shave.i try my hands at it but it looks all wrong.Sort of like getting a haircut at some cheap barbering place.pot holes and things.NO NO NO.where's daddy? "Daddy!come and shave me!i just can't do it".So he comes,inspects,takes the razor from me and does a pretty decent job.The world is spinning again *exhale*

It's 2 days tummy hurts."maybe i need to poop",i think.i go to my bathroom,pull down my knickers and :O :O :O :O BLOOD :( :( :( ( I don't know if it's some cruel joke but i suddenly remember what my friend had said.My dad had touched me,two days later i'm bleeding = my dad has gotten me pregnant!!!!!kai.

STUPIDITY BE WHAT?i was able to keep it to myself for 3 days as i rehearsed how i would tell my mum i was pregnant for her husband.i cried life was was i going to take care of my baby?would my parents still buy me that  colouring book i wanted?Serious questions o.All this while,i maintained a stone cold composure around my dad.He had ruined my life.

When i couldn't keep it to myself any longer,i called my mum to my room,sat her on my bed and held her hand.then of course,i started to cry.I eventually got round to telling her and the lunatic started laughing.i was furious as hell.

When she was able to stop herself (by which time i had slapped her a zillion times across her face in my mind),that's when she gave me 'the talk'.I don't think i've felt more stupid than i did at that moment.herrrrh x__x

You people that are having kids left and right,you better educate them before they start having amusingly deluded beliefs.I will however admit that my very colourful imagination played the lead role in this comedy of sorts.

I don't know how to end this post so i'm just gonna make like an asshole and leave right after sex.