Monday, 31 October 2011

A Sunday night's thoughts...

Every idiot has his/her days off, I guess last night was one of mine.
This is a fairly short post...

I love being by myself, a lot of people have that in common with me. I
don't think that's how I am naturally though, I was alone a lot
growing up so I got used to it and inevitably fell in love with my

Some days though, and some nights, I'd rather not be by myself. Those
nights when I have nothing to do and memories creep up on me. Isn't it
weird how it's usually the things you've tried your hardest to forget
that insist on resurfacing? Cruel act of nature or whatever the hell
is responsible for that.

All attempts at distracting myself fail at this point. It's like when
you need people most and they do a disappearing act on you. Remaining
positive is something I've realized helps me cope. It's hard to see
the glass as half full (yes,that's cliche,I'm aware) but it's
depressing and pointless to be negative.

So back to last night..I cried. Everything I fear, everything that's
ever hurt me, everything that isn't right, caught up with me. And I
cried. Let's call it a pity party. I indulged like a fat kid at an all
you can eat buffet. There's a lot going on in my life I won't share
with you nosey fuckers, but I will tell you that I have a long journey
ahead of me. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Someone I deem wise told me "You crying means you're afraid. It means
you're not stupid to believe that things are gonna be easy"....So I
cried a little more to be doubly sure that it be known that I'm no
fool. Nanama is NOT a fool (despite what you may have heard).

I'm trying to be strong. I'm scared. I'm trying to be calm. I can't
solve all my problems, but I'm hoping that someday I can look back at
my life and be thankful for the tranformation from where I was to
where I will be :-)

Help me hope. Watch me grow xoxo.

Sent from my mobile device

Sunday, 23 October 2011

"what do girls want from guys?"-Asked by Malota4eva

This dude just wants to kill me. This question must be some sort of trap. I mean,how on earth am I supposed to know what girls want from guys?Have I ever,in any way,led you guys to believe tha
t I have an inkling of how girl
s think?I know,I know,I'm a girl. That's not a fact I can be oblivious to,but
trust me when I say this,I haven't a clue what girls want.

Ok that's not entirely true. I may not know everything I want,but I do know some. I also have an idea about how the few females I hand around with think. So in this post,I'm gonna try my best to answer this question. Note that none of what I say is to be upheld as the truth. I'm just a random girl with no expetise on the matter. I'm just giving my thoughts,
and most of the stuff I write will be the things I know I want from guys.

I'm quite certain every girl wants to be respected,though some girls make it difficult with the way they carry themselves. Even strippers want to be respected. She wants you to just look,no touching. Guys who call females 'bitches' are lower than scum. T
hat,in my opinion, is one of the worst names you can call a woman. 'Hoe' is another,even though some girls indirectly ask for this with the way they behave. It's quite sad really,but it's gotten to the point where you call a girl a 'bad bitch' and she'll be gleaming like you paid her a compliment. Such girls need help yo.(Small akata ^_^).

Most girls are attention wh
ores. They want to be the centre of everything. I lov
e a little attention now and then, but too much and I'll sweat in my palms. Yeah,I'm shy like that. We all want that man who's gonna listen to us complain, that man who's gonna soothe us and calm us down. Some girls have tantrums over broken nails and other dumb shit like that. These are high maintenance girls (who I cannot stand). Some have genuine problems and just need a listening ear. Being sympathetic towards a woman shows you care enough to wanna know what's going on in her life...or that you're tryna get in her pants (some of y'all do that shit,don't even front).

I can confidently say that ALL women want GREAT SEX. Even Nuns. They just can't have any (even though I swear,somewhere in the world,there's a love triangle between a priest and two 'sisters'). A woman's body holds the key to most of life's questions...haha that's a load of bull. It does hold the key to most of life's pleasures though. Answer this; what do rich men and poor men have in common? They all want sex. Problem is, not enough men know how
to properly please a woman. Please refer to my earlier post 'sex sex sex'. You'll
see what I'm talking about. So guys, learn how to please her, explore her body. A lot of women are not outspoken about their preferences in bed and this sort of makes your jobs a little bit harder. But if you're keen on keeping her, the extra effort would be a plus in your favour. You have your tongue (YES!), your fingers and your penis. Don't waste them.

Material girls. You can spot them a mile away. If you're into that flashy type, don't complain when she starts asking for this or that. If you want it,you have to maintain it. Everybody needs money. There are many ways to get
it, but some girls just want it the easy way, from guys. Hey, I ain't judging. You want pussy, she wants money. Pay up. If you can't handle it, pack up and leave. Simple. Unless you're either pussy whipped or in love. Either way, know that when you run out, chances are she's not
gonna stick around for much longer.

Intelligent girls. The nerds. The geeks. We (yes 'we'.I have claimed :p) want a man who will teach us things. Your perverted minds went straight to the bedroom. No honey, that's not what I meant. I'm talking knowledge;facts, myths,new words,news around the world. Whatever thing will interest her and help her grow intellectually. Let her be in awe of your mind. A lot of guys

are going for smarter girls now. I love that. But if you're dumb and proud, you may date a dumb girl so that you don't have to explain shit you don't understand.

I'm sure if I thought about it a little longer, I'd get an endless list of things,but the last one I'm gonna say is this; Girls love guys who can make them LAUGH. If she's laughing when she's with you, you're doing something right. If she's not,well, say your goodbyes. The moment another dude makes her laugh in a way that you can't,you're fucked.

These are some of the basic things I want in a guy. Every other normal girl should want them too. I can't help you when it comes to those that want double penetration,slaps and whip marks. I'm much too young for that chaos -_-

Friday, 21 October 2011

Ask me.

So i'm thinking of letting you guys ask me questions that i'd answer and post back on here. Will it work?You could ask my opinion on something or just ask me random questions. I'd pick the more interesting ones and  ignore the extremely retarded ones. I think that'll help me update my blog more and psych my mind up for proper posts. It's not gonna be like a 'Nanama advises you' column though. I'm not sensible enough, nor do i care enough to wanna help you with your life problems *rolls eyes*....So yeah, ask away.Don't leave me hanging -____-

Thursday, 20 October 2011

alcoholism gone wrong !

I haven't posted anything in a long long time and I'm sorry about that.sadly,I'm not here to blow your mind with some other humourous story of my life. It's not that I've run out,the timing's just wrong for me.
Ok,hold on.I have an alcohol story. It's not funny,it's not long,but I'm gonna tell it anyway cos I errrrrrrrrrrr...I want to.
I know shitloads of people who drink.hell,the azonto girls in my JSS started drinking beer before I knew that boys and girls have puzzle pieces that fit together.What I don't understand is why I can't do it freely.In the beginning,I just had no use for it.I didn't mind that other people drank,plus I could laugh at them when they got so drunk,did and said the raunchiest things,got hangovers and ended up looking like shit:-) Anyway,it was my final year in Uni,my friends and I had just gotten back from Kumasi (repu)and I was just one happy fool.Turns out I was stupid as well cos I went into my friends room and mixed 5zillions parts gin and 1 part coke (I think it was gin :s)It tasted gross but I downed the whole thing in less than a minute or two.Then I went to bed all giggly and horny(I went to bed ALONE)
Next morning,I open my eyes and as I'm laying there,I can feel that there's something wrong.I get up to go look in the mirror and I see a frigging giraffe staring back at me with beady eyes.short,but a giraffe all the same.My skin was all patchy and disgusting.yellow,red,yellow,red -____-It was at that moment that I felt incredibly dumb.I knew my little 'anti-teetotaller' number had caused it but I wasn't exactly why or the severity of it all. Imagine when the hangover started.The worst hadn't even happened yet.
My delusional mind told me I could scrub it off with soap and sponge,so I jumped in the shower,and my GOD!!!!!itching be what!?!?!?!?!*twitches at bad memory*.The very moment the water touched my skin,it set off some kind of chain reaction.The more I scratched,the more it itched,and the redder I got.I swear I looked like a skinny tomato.
Embarrassed,I stayed in my room till night time,when I couldn't ignore the hunger pangs any longer.I went downstairs to my friends' room,half expecting them to notice that something was wrong but nobody did.I'm now convinced I could get pregnant and hide the baby bump from them for months!
Later on,I went back to the source of the alcohol where I found a bottle of that minty powder,talcom,talkan,whatever.Now,I'm in a boy's room ok,with the one who encouraged me to drink (he'd tell the story differently but ignore him,he's a big fat liar ¬_¬)and I rip off all my clothes and beg him to rub the powder on me.ok ok,I didn't exactly have to beg but you get what I mean.At that moment,I promise to God I wasn't tryna tempt somebody's son.He rubbed it on me :-)EVERYWHERE.Remember,it wasn't sexual.It was 110% innocent.He didn't (ok maybe he did) get turned on but I was in no position to care :p He didn't try a fast one either.I'm so proud of him ^_^Could he be gay? O_O or was he not attracted to me? -___-
Aaaanywaaaaay,the fucking powder didn't do a damn thing.I just became a white itching idiot.Then it was off to Pills and Tabs for medicine.I figured if they could help Legon girls avoid getting pregnant with all the postinor 2 they kept in stock,they'd have a cure for the madness I was going through.They didn't.They gave me quack drugs,the bastards.
Of course,I hadn't figured out that it was an actual allergy.I mean,who's allergic to alcohol?What a joke.Apparently,I'm that joke.I got meds finally,but it took about 2 weeks for my skin to get back to normal.I pretty much stayed off alcohol till a week after my 23rd birthday.But Yasmin and Keli had to try and get me drunk.They didn't succeed but I drank enough to tell....:s...oh wait,a future employer might be reading this.
DISCLAIMER:This post,the entire thing,was made up.No,I'm serious (U_U) <----would that face lie to you?
I'm quite done here.Snoozefest?If you think this is boring,I'd introduce you to some dude who used to be on my whatsapp.I nicknamed him 'snoozefest' cos he was so boring,it broke my heart.I mean,for fucks sake,if you've got nothing to say,don't start a chat!
Not that you care or anything,but I've recently discovered that my body allows me to have a glass or two of red wine without rebelling against me.Shall we drink to that? ^_^

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

silly me...

Hi guys :) *dusts cobwebs and boots squatters off blog*. I realize i haven't posted anything in a while and i'm sorry,but i'm not gonna bore you with reasons and excuses because you probably don't care and i honestly can't be bothered :p

When i started this blog i was doing the whole 'i'm-smart-and-i'm-going-to-bless-you-with-my-ample-supply-of-common-sense' thing.But i sort of swayed off the path with my last couple of posts.It's become more about my life hasn't it?Ah well,let's just go with it.

I haven't always been this well put together.once upon a time,believe it or not,i was a very stupid little girl. Fuck off with your sarcastic comments, i've already anticipated them :) (but mind my french though.i recently started working for this french dude and i think his crass ways are rubbing off on me).

Who remembers when they got 'the talk' about menstruation from their mum?Look,if you're a boy and you're actually trying to remember, i cry for you.I never got the mum claims she tried but i didn't know what a vagina was so she figured i wasn't ready to know.Times change eh?That little lapse of judgment caused me grief for 3 days and i'll tell you why.

My best friend at the time was Emma.Brilliant girl,smart,somewhat of a tomboy (now she's a single mother,a heavy smoker and drinker, and oh yeah, an atheist).Anyway,we were talking once and she told me that if a boy touches your 'peepee' and you bleed after a few days,it means you've been knocked up.

A THOUGHT: Wouldn't the world be so peaceful if that's how it worked?Us girls would just get a man per geographical region to 'touch' and get us pregnant.We'd send the rest of you packing to another planet. *sigh* Wishes.

Fast forward 2 years.i'm 10 years pubic hair starts sprouting,my boobs are growing fast and i'm the envy of every girl in my class.they'd stare in wonder whenever we were changing for P.E. or swimming lessons.I was the titty boss B-) Look at me now :(  Anyway,i was daddy's little girl so naturally i wanted him to teach me how to NOT judge me -_____-

My first shave.i try my hands at it but it looks all wrong.Sort of like getting a haircut at some cheap barbering place.pot holes and things.NO NO NO.where's daddy? "Daddy!come and shave me!i just can't do it".So he comes,inspects,takes the razor from me and does a pretty decent job.The world is spinning again *exhale*

It's 2 days tummy hurts."maybe i need to poop",i think.i go to my bathroom,pull down my knickers and :O :O :O :O BLOOD :( :( :( ( I don't know if it's some cruel joke but i suddenly remember what my friend had said.My dad had touched me,two days later i'm bleeding = my dad has gotten me pregnant!!!!!kai.

STUPIDITY BE WHAT?i was able to keep it to myself for 3 days as i rehearsed how i would tell my mum i was pregnant for her husband.i cried life was was i going to take care of my baby?would my parents still buy me that  colouring book i wanted?Serious questions o.All this while,i maintained a stone cold composure around my dad.He had ruined my life.

When i couldn't keep it to myself any longer,i called my mum to my room,sat her on my bed and held her hand.then of course,i started to cry.I eventually got round to telling her and the lunatic started laughing.i was furious as hell.

When she was able to stop herself (by which time i had slapped her a zillion times across her face in my mind),that's when she gave me 'the talk'.I don't think i've felt more stupid than i did at that moment.herrrrh x__x

You people that are having kids left and right,you better educate them before they start having amusingly deluded beliefs.I will however admit that my very colourful imagination played the lead role in this comedy of sorts.

I don't know how to end this post so i'm just gonna make like an asshole and leave right after sex.

Thursday, 18 August 2011

wrong hole,right heart.OR? :s

HOMOSEXUALITY!!!!! anybody want a fruit??
Ignore the first line,i'm kinda high on chocolate at the moment,and my back space button is on leave.

Let's get serious for a minute here.Homosexuality has become quite an issue in Ghana lately.A lot of our generation are freaking out about it so i bet the adults are having panic attacks.serves them right for all those stupid parenty stuff they do to us.

Everybody is different.we react differently to different things blah blah blah.Knowing this,i totally understand people who recoil at the very thought of two hard,sweaty male bodies pounding away at each other,all the while grunting with ridiculous amounts of pleasure.too much?sorry but i couldn't resist giving you guys the visual.i hope all the homophobes puked :D

No boy i know has a problem with does look rather appealing in porn,doesn't it?not that i would know.i prefer to watch cartoons.what i don't get is why you'd choose to be a lesbian,but end up with another girl who looks like a guy,and use dildos and vibrators.isn't that defeating the purpose?why not just get a dude?he comes with a free dildo attached to his anatomy,rechargable on demand :) that's a bargain if you ask me.

But lesbianism though.All that licking of the peepee,wouldn't it cause erosion or some shit?too much of everything is bad abi?.i did kiss a girl once and no,i wasn't drunk.i wanted to know what it felt like.if i'm truthful,i'd admit that the idea of locking lips with another female gave me more thrills than the kiss itself.she had soft lips though ;)

when you have free internet at home,you google all sorts of random stuff.i've searched for both hermaphrodite porn and gay porn o_O some of the funniest stuff i've ever seen....two guys going at it,one moaning and panting and scratching...eiii chale..there already aren't enough men on earth and some of them are mastering the art of becoming this life?.i love them still :)

 Is it true they wear pampers at some point?adult diapers are really expensive yo.this is what we call an expensive habit.homosexuality is an expensive habit!if you're straight,be just saved yourself from extra expenses,what with this economy.Ah but wait o,you know how you can block a leak with a cork or gum or plasticine??why don't gay people use that stuff?it would be less expensive,or?

I know i'm poking fun at them but in truth,i like them and treat them like anyone else.I may not understand their way of life,but it's their choice to make.i can't imagine anyone deliberately going contrary to what society deems as right just for the fun of being ridiculed by 'normal' people.this is the nature-nurture argument all over again.we're not having it.not today.

They're even quite useful.While a straight boy would yap all that crap just to get in your pants,a gay guy would help you pick out an outfit,do your hair and makeup.then he'd send you on your way to meet a straight boy for an evening out which would most probably end with sex!see the connection i just made girls?gay guys can help you get laid by straight guys (to buy one,go to prempeh college.i hear they breed them there -___-)

DISCLAIMER: i had second thoughts and wanted to delete 'prempeh college' but as i said earlier,my backspace button is unavailable.So please delete it from your minds.yours,management.

Right,where were we??? know how you wake up when you feel you're being watched?it happend to me in my dorm.after 2am *gulp* Some stupid lesbian senior with knobby knees,bad teeth and horrible grammar (yes,if you're gonna try and woo me,your grammar must be on point) decided it was such a bright idea to come to my dorm at that ungodly hour to offer me sugary treats.I opened my eyes and she was just sitting there,staring at me.I think i had a mini heart attack.Anyway,it's safe to say she's delusional because she went for the 'miss malaika' auditions with actual hopes of making it.HA !

So i've laughed at homosexuals,i've pointed out some advantages of having them around,i've shared near lesbain experiences...what did i really hope to achieve with this post???? :s ah still read it so :p

oh oh!i just thought of one more good thing about homosexuals.they could be used as weapons in the know,they could be set loose on enemy grounds.the probability of the enemies being homophobic is pretty high,then BAM!just like that,the war is won by i smart or am i smart?

Monday, 15 August 2011

insomniac tales...

So i have insomnia.I've had it since i was 8 years old.I'm 23 now so that means i've had it for 15 years.15 YEARS people!!it's been fun,it's been useful, but most of all,it has been a gigantic pain in my little black butt.Sorry,big butt.I have a huge ass.You can sit on it (you may quote me on this).

When it started,i really didn't think it was a problem,i thought it was cool.After midnight,most nights,i got front row seats to the teenage kids snogging in the park across from my house.Snogging,that's a really stupid word by the way.Anyway,they didn't only exchange saliva,which is what kissing really is.Sometimes,i saw the boys put their hands under the girls' skirts.Hmm,i wonder what they were looking for.

My mum,she used to come check on us in the middle of the night.Most times i just laid there really quietly and pretended to be asleep.i thought it was really creepy.It's as though she expected us to like,die or get kidnapped or something.Now i know it's something mothers and sometimes.fathers,do.One day she caught me.I didn't hear my door open because i was staring out at the weirdest thing i had ever seen.The girl was sitting on the swing with her skirt pulled up,and the guy was between her legs going back and forth.I don't know what i thought it was back then and you can't blame me,i was 8 and innocent.

Naturally,Akosua (my mum) thought i intentionally stayed up so that i could watch older kids 'do bad things'.That's how she put it.Sex is bad people,my mum said so.Nobody took me seriously for a long time and i kinda got used to it.But my goodness!the things other people do when they think you're asleep x______________x

I think masturbation is healthy.Everyone should explore themselves and find out exactly how their bodies work.Only problem is,i don't want to be in the room when you're 'entertaining' your eerrrrm...genitals.In SSS it was a nightmare.I won't mention names but if i happen to slip,know that any similarities between whoever's name i mention and the girls i roomed with is purely coincidental.

There was this one girl(name withheld),she couldn't get enough of herself.I mean damn dude,you're gonna need that finger to help you grip your pen in the morning so go easy on it.sheesh.She was skinny too,and she writhed on her bed like i imagine a sexy worm would.I started sleeping permanently on my left side.She was scarring me so i decided to count sheep to keep myself distracted.Every night she did it,one sheep didn't quite make it over the wall.the sexy worm's moaning distracted it,and made it queasy.

Uni was a mixture of things.My hostel gave me a lot of laughs.There are a lot of really horny people out there.People out on their balconies at the oddest hours doing THE DO,forgetting there were rooms right opposite theirs.I wonder if they just never thought of it or they just didn't care.

Catching people masturbating and catching them having sex,which one do you think is worse?they're both extremely disturbing.I've seen bad porn but nothing beats watching it live in the studio.I had a lower bunk.Sometimes the action was right above me.My bed would shake this way and that.the funny thing is,this girl never made a sound.The boy always seemed to be having fun though.It's either he's one of the idiots i talked about in my last post or the girl had her clitoris abandon her at an earlier age.Whatever it was,it was sad.

But this other roommate of mine.It was always a party in her vagina.A party that never flopped.At first,they would try to keep it quiet but i think they got fed up with doing that.They stopped hiding under blankets and let everything out.Once in a while i'd see a large hand grab a fairly large boob and all those other things people do during sex....It just occurred to me that i may need a shrink to fix all the damage that other people have caused.I'll  be sure to send them the bill.

This insomnia thing has helped me stay up to learn for exams,stay up late to talk to that boy i liked and it's also given me a general picture of the things people do when they think no one is watching.We all scratch our bums,most of you pick your noses and some of you go as far as blessing your mouths with whatever treasures you find in your noses.You're disgusting but i'm not judging O:)

I'm judging.

Saturday, 13 August 2011


This post was supposed to be didn't quite get there.forgive me.

Growing up,sex was never a forbidden topic in our house.When we asked questions,my parents always answered.But it wasn't until i was older that i realized they had lied to me a zillion times.first they said babies came from storks,those birds with the large beaks.Then they said babies magically appeared in a woman's tummy.Can't really blame them.At least they told me the truth eventually.

What exactly is sex though?Is it for entertainment?People in the villages must certainly think so.why,i bet when they run out of ananse stories to tell around an open fire,they orgies and stuff instead.Anyhoo,back to my question.Is it just for procreation?Pleasure?Exercise?Can't it be all of them?

i'll neglect to share my sexual experiences with you guys.Though i will tell you that...nah,forget it.You know those 'goody-two-shoes-can-never-surprise' kind of girls?Be afraid of them.The ones who keep quiet during a sex talk and act as though they know nothing?They're the worst.I never get girls who act innocent,when they're not.

Apparently,some girls think of sex as a chore.i talked to a couple of girls a while ago and they didn't even know what an orgasm seriously??what have they been doing?who have they been sleeping with?And this one girl,she does it only cos her boyfriend wants to.She said to me "i just lie there and spread my legs,when he's done,i get up".i wanted to cry.Why bother?why have your vagina beaten up when you don't even want it to begin with?

And the girls who fake orgasms..take this scenario: A boy and  girl,they're having sex,on a bed.She's lyng underneath him like a log,he's pumping away like there's no tomorrow.In her head she's probably thinking "when is this idiot gonna be done?i have dishes to wash and tom and jerry is coming on in 15 minutes".She has two choices; him what she wants him to do to her body
2.fake an orgasm
She picks door number two.She 'oooohs' and 'aaaaahs' and moans.then she 'cums'.By this time,the boy's probably got a stupid grin on his face,he's proud of himself and he's thinking "i tore that pussy up!".The fool.I don't understand how you can be doing such a lousy job and not know it.Is it some type of stupidity?Or just a need to elevate from the truth to avoid bruising your own ego?

I'm not saying don't fake orgasms.hell i really don't's your vagina,do what you want.but you should know you're only cheating yourself in the end,sucker.Not to mention,some poor guy is gonna walk around thinking he's a stud,until he meets and shags a girl who knows what she's about and isn't afraid to tell him exactly what she thinks.then he's just gonna be embarrassed.You could've helped him.Help a dick today.Better a dick today.Teach a dick today.don't fake anything, unless it's  menstrual cramps to get out of taking some test.

My parents had this kama sutra book they kept under their bed years ago.the positions! -__________- i try not to think about what they used it for.You shouldn't think about it either,you rotten people.They don't know that i knew about it, and it's probably a bad idea to be writing about it. they might chance upon this blog and my secret would be out in the open.ah well,i'll take my chances.

So these positions.You guys should try them. I don't think missionary is a bad position,i quite like it.But it's not the only position.

Just one more thing before i go.We were having dinner one night.My brother,who was 11 at the time turned to my dad and said "daddy,my penis won't get hard,i think it's broken".I had water in my mouth which mysteriously found its way onto my sister's face.Memorable moment.You care.goodbye.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

20 random things about me...

Lets see now...1.i'm left-handed(which of course makes me smart and creative and all those other great stuff :)
2.i'm an insomniac(you don't know the half of it)
3.i'm stupidly afraid of grasshoppers and cockroaches.'s hard sleeping without a teddy to impossible to fall asleep if i haven't bathed and brushed my teeth
6.i've had my heart broken once..or more...:( idea of a fun night is a good book(call me a nerd if u will)
8.i have a little brother who i'm 22 yrs older than(and yes,that makes me feel old)
9.I daydream that in some other life i was a gypsy just floating about or a tree hugger or nudist.don't judge me -__-
10.i love horror movies even though i'm afraid to fall asleep afterwards

11.i'm scared of the dark(if i'm walkin in a dark place my mind goes beserk and i usually end up running to wherever i'm going
12.i usually never watch a movie more than once
13.when i was a kid i wanted to be an air hostess or an actress.Never a doctor or a lawyer.
14.i absolutely LOVE rain ears are super sensitive.touch them if you have a death wish.
16.i talk a lot!!
17.i'm crazy about dimples and eyes
18.i cry easily and i prefer to do it in private
19.i find the colour lime green very offensive so if you wear this colour,i automatically loathe you;-)

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

when love goes wrong...

Have you ever heard of that saying that concludes that love makes people do stupid things?Even if you haven't,i'm sure it's something you already know.A lot of people think they've been in love before.I say think because it's quite common for infatuation or lust to be mistaken for love.And while 'in love',i bet you did some pretty outrageous things huh?you can share some with me in the comments part ^_^

When i was 'in love' i used to cook for my boyfriend.Not exactly outrageous but a very big deal to people who know me.See,the kitchen and i don't get along so well and the knives just hate my guts.Don't get me wrong,i'm a darn good cook,i just don't like doing it -_-

Love heals.I know this because i've seen it happen,to me and to people around me.But it also frigging hurts.Right from when you have this major crush on some boy in your class who doesn't even know you exist, even though you do your hair really nice and you borrow mum's perfume( i am NOT speaking from experience,a friend told me -__-).So yeah,love hurts,love heals.But it also destructs.

Growing up,there was this pretty little lady who babysat my sister during the week.She had two adorable kids of her own and they all got along really well.Now,i was young and all but i hardly missed whatever went on around me.She was always smiling but she had the saddest look in her eyes,the saddest.Sometimes,i would catch my mum giving her a hug and speaking to her in a low tone and it set my mind wondering "what could be wrong?"

I heard her story eventually and at the time i sort of regretted asking my mum cos it was so pathetic.But i guess it made me realize at such an early age that things aren't always as they seem.An abusive husband!!!!!She married a man she loved,hoping to have her feelings reciprocated,only to find out she was on a sinking ship.

It started not long after they got married.He would beat her and make her sleep on the floor.He beat her when she was pregnant with both kids,he beat her regardless of what state of health she was in.He beat her during sex.He raped her......She'd make food and she wouldn't be allowed to eat any.He'd come home,give some to the kids,and leave her the leftovers.She slept on the kids' bedroom floor because he wouldn't allow her into their matrimonial bed....He raped her....RAPE people!RAPE.This sounds like something straight out of one of those ridiculous Nigerian movies (don't be offended,we all know they suck and kill your brain cells)

But you know,the part i couldn't get over was her reason for staying in it.SHE LOVED HIM.I'm reeling over here!!!!!!!!!!How do you love someone who belittles you?Someone who makes you feel less of a human being?Someone who's very shadow makes you tremble with fear?Who's words cut you so deep?She was in it for years and years.

Good news is,she finally found her voice and went to the police.She saved herself and her kids from that sorry excuse for a human being and a total waste of oxygen (yes,i'm mad).BUT what worries me now is that i have friends who are just waltzing into situations like this.Sure it's not full blown punches to the stomach or slaps that will send you flying across the room,but a large fire begins as a flame.

Those demeaning comments he/she makes about you.That occasional slap just because you didn't do it his way.The glare that makes your skin crawl.They are all signs that you should run in the opposite direction.But sadly,signs that most people are blind to because of LOVE -_______- I hope none of you reading this are going through these things.But if you are,i do hope that you love yourself enough to get out.

AND if you're reading this and you are the pig i've described,you're a lowlife scumbag who shouldn't even be blessed with life.No one can create a human being so no one has the right to make another person's life a living hell.May you never know happiness when all you cause is pain.

“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return.......” – Dianne Feinstein

Our hearts still beat.We have life.We must live it.Without fear of another human being.


Monday, 25 July 2011

angels with muddy faces...


"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury" -Hubbel Chapin
Hey guys :) How are you doing?Has anyone annoyed you today?Maybe someone did something so 'unforgivable' and your blood is still boiling with anger and hatred.How's that working out for you?The anger i mean.Does it make you feel good?No?Ok.
A lot of people i know tell me i have a ridiculous flaw,but i know better than to side with them.I forgive easily (sometimes it takes a little more time though).I let things go.I let people off the hook.No revenge,no dirty slap (although i've thought about this a time or two).I won't lie,i've been wronged by so many people in so many ways,and there were those times i thought i wouldn't be able to forgive but i always found a way.
While we're on the subject of people who have hurt me,let's look at the other side,people i've hurt.I'm human,it's blood that runs through my veins(and chocolate).I've done things i'm not proud of.I've made people angry.I've made them cry.Have they forgiven me?It's scary to think that there are people out there who hear your name and think evil of you because of something you once did to them.
"To err is human,to forgive,infrequent"....We all make mistakes but not all of us make it a point to forgive.People have this notion that if they don't retaliate,it means they are weak.Truth is,forgiveness is a trait of the strong.They fail to see the bigger picture.So they choose to hold on dearly to anger and pain that is slowly but unknowingly tearing them  apart.
Because i love you so much,i'm going to let you in on a little secret.There's no revenge as effective as forgiveness.When you forgive,you stand to gain so much.It's almost selfish.You must think i'm mad.Quit shaking your head and lets analyze things.You forgive,the anger evaporates,your sunny disposition move on with your life,you become a better person.
Now unless you're some materialistic prude who finds joy only in things money can buy,you would have realized that Nanama (me) is a genius and that i'm making all the sense in the world.Who doesn't want to be a better person?WHO?Wouldn't it be lovely if people actually meant half the eulogies they read out at funerals?You can't control how or when you die but you can control what people remember you by...the memories you leave behind.
Forgiveness CAN mend broken relationships,broken hearts,broken lives...But one thing i had to learn the hard way is that it doesn't always lead to healed relationships.There are those situations where things get so out of hand,to the point of being 'unmendable'.I've learnt that some people are not capable of love and i think it wise to wish them well and let them go their way.
With the exception of murderers and rapists (feel free to add more to my short list),i think that at the end of the day we're all just good people who sometimes make stupid mistakes.We are ANGELS WITH MUDDY FACES....You've read all i have to say,it can be hard but put in that extra effort and you'll see the good that comes out of it.
i've enlightened you,haven't i? :D you're all my little elves ^_^ .Now here are your socks *throws mismatched socks into the crowd of eager readers*.I've set you free.Go out there and be awesome :)

Friday, 22 July 2011

topsy turvy land...

"part of me laughs,part of me cries,part of me wants to question why.why is there joy?why is there pain?why is there sunshine and the rain?..."
Life can be're up one minute,upside down the's a topsy turvy world...
They're a family.Mum's a nurse,Dad does something with computers and the kids are a beautiful mess.
Dad isn't around all that much because he works too hard and Mum,well she's a parent either during the day
or at night,depending on her shift.Never the entire day.Big sister,now she's a child herself.She's 8 years old
 but she's been forced to grow up quick because baby brother and baby sister need her.She must take care of them.
The good thing here is that Mum and Dad always make the kids know how much they love them.They read them bedtime stories at night,they tuck them in,they kiss them good night.If baby sister wakes up screaming about a flying elephant she saw in her dreams,Mum and Dad always rush in,ready to calm,ready to reassure.
Big sister wakes up,it's another day.She looks at her alarm clock and exclaims "it's 8 0' clock,we're late!".Mum and Dad are not at home.Big sister wakes little brother and little sister up..She brushes their teeth,helps them into their uniforms and gets them bowls of frosties and milk.Baby brother wants a piece of toast instead,she makes it for him.Then it's off to school...
It's Saturday morning.Mum is asleep because she just got back from a night shift.Dad goes into the kids room and turns on the radio to that jazz station.He puts it on full blast.Every saturday,that's how he wakes them up.It's time to go shopping and they're happy.Big sister,baby brother and baby sister each get their gingerbread man,with smarties for buttons.They love their rituals...
All four get back home.Mum is well rested.She divides the kfc treats they brought back with them.They're a family.They eat,tease each other and laugh as a silly looking Mr Bean makes an ass of himself on tv.Mum and Dad seem happy.Big sister,baby brother and baby sister are overjoyed.They're a family...
6 years later...
Dad never comes home early.Mum's always complaining.The kids are confused.What's happening to their home?their family?
Mum and Dad split up.Dad takes big sister,Mum takes baby brother and baby sister.They are NOT a family anymore...
They don't go shopping anymore,they don't tease each other and Mr Bean isn't quite as funny as before.
For some people,life is an endless amusement park ride.They never want to get off.But for others,it starts off as good,then there's a minor glitch and it's downhill from there.Have you ever had one of those days where from the moment you wake up,it seems everything goes wrong?your hair's all wrong,no outfit looks good,you can't catch a break?Life can be like that at times.From good,straight to bad,then worse.Life can be funny...
I never like to end a post on a sad note so lemme just say this.Things get hard,you can reach an all time low but you must  believe in something or someone higher than yourself.Mine is God.He makes everything beautiful in His time."Sorrow is a fruit.God does not make it grow on limbs too weak to bear it".
Some people choose to believe in wooden sculptures with large penises or huge trees in random forests *rolls eyes all the way back*.This is all well and good (or not) but whatever you choose to believe in,i hope it helps you deal with all of lifes jokes.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

...whispering thoughts...

I'd like to think i'll get married someday and have that ideal life that every normal human being hopes for.I haven't quite gotten to the point where i know exactly what i want my wedding dress to look like though.The only thing i know for certain is how my cake is gonna look like and just how many layers it's gonna have.See,i love cake,my life would be incomplete without it.So much that i'm not gonna share it with anyone :| so i've warned you guys,bring your own cake!

But there are so many hurdles to cross with this whole marriage thing,i mean,i've seen it.It can get pretty ugly.If i try to get inspiration from married people around me i'll have to look really hard and long to see past the bad to get to the good.It's like everyone is divorced or on the verge of!it's sad.

I've seen what divorce does to families,to individuals.It hasn't helped my family much,it broke it for a time an we're still dealing with it.I don't think anyone is left unaffected by divorce but it's kids that are hurt the most.

Everyone handles pain differently.I lose my appetite completely.i write, I CRY,a whole lot.Now my baby sister,she's a quiet one.She never outwardly reacts to things,unless it's out of disgust and she has one of her famous sarcastic comments to offer..You never know what she's thinking and that's the scary part.So it was difficult trying to imagine exactly how bad the damage was when our parents split up.

But i'm smart so i figured it all out.It's a simple equation really.Parents who are too preoccupied with themselves to notice the chain reaction they've begun.Siblings who are each hurting in their own way...
But i'm her big sister and no matter how many times she rolls her eyes when i complain about how fat i'm getting,i know she looks up to me.(Mya,if you're reading this,quit shaking your head,i know you do)

I don't deserve the 'best sister award',but gimme a little more time and i will.I'm supposed to fill in for where my parents fall short, and be there for her whenever she needs me.We piss each other off,we fight but it's gotten to the point where we've come to appreciate each other and we're rebuilding our relationship :)

I believe God gives us brothers and sisters to fill up that space in our hearts that is primarily meant for them.They have a purpose in our lives.They're a blessing,cushions you can fall on when everything or everyone else bails.Lemme just say that i love my brothers too (before one of them see's this and has a hissy fit that i didn't mention him).

We have to take care of each other,look out for each other and encourage each other.We're the blessing that came out of a marriage that no longer is.Us four are FAMILY :)

Thursday, 14 July 2011

my possible butterflies....

 So i'm gonna make this fairly brief because my back is aching and i'd rather not worsen it by sitting in this position.i know you all care so say your "aaawwwws" and let's move on :D  This is kind of a personal post.I'm letting you guys in on bits and pieces of who i really am so you 'better feel fucking special' -___-.

Ok so 'my possible butterflies'.You have no idea what i'm talking about huh?Let's change that.You know that cute/nervous flutter you get in the pit of your stomach when you see someone you like/have a crush on,blah blah blah?You call it 'butterflies' right?Ok.

See,with me,for the longest time,my butterflies have remained unemployed.Sure i've liked people but before the fluttering can begin,the feelings go away.I'll admit that sometimes i push people away when i feel like they're threatening my personal space and that it has gotten so easy for me to let people go.

Sometimes,it's like i'm suffocating and i need to break free.(If you're reading this and you feel you're one of these people,i apologize).But some of you too,i genuinely didn't like you that's why i cut you off :) No point in wasting your time.

I would love to blame it on my fear of commitment only but i know it runs much deeper than that.Just the thought of becoming vulnerable to another human being gives me the shivers.Thing is,i know where it stems from,but no,i'm not gonna share it with you guys.You're not that special.

So my possible butterflies,beautiful things that almost are,but never become.It doesn't help that some of the boys i meet are so shallow.I said SOME of you.Don't bite my head off.For the longest time i've been telling myself that maybe i'm not the problem.Maybe,just maybe i haven't met anyone i like enough to wanna work on myself for.

Does that make sense or is it a feeble attempt to make myself feel better?Either way,i know better than to lie to Nanama....I just spoke about myself in the third person and it feels way creepy.never again O_O

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyy,here's to hoping that my butterflies can someday fly ! <----- that may very well be the corniest line i've ever written...ending this before i cause more harm.good night !

Monday, 11 July 2011

her mask of pretense...

"To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up" - Oscar Wilde.
It's raining again.She's sitting on her window sill staring out at a world that's been so unkind.Her eyes reveal an emptiness,a brokenness,a pain untold.A single tear rolls down her cheek,her heart is flooded,burdened,overflowing.But it must make room for more,each tear,a reminder of the life unknown to the outside world.
Just another day.She gets ready to go and meet up with her 'friends'.Oh her friends...Before she walks out the door,she stares at her reflection in the mirror,turning this way,and that.Then she practices her smile.That dazzling smile that makes her gray world bright.The smile that is her mask of pretense.
She stares at herself some more.She stares at her eyes.She laughs at the irony of it all.The face can hide what the eyes cannot.Her eyes tell her story.A story unheard,a story unknown.She steps outside,into her make-believe world.
She sees all 4 of them,they hug,they smile,they laugh.She tells a stupid joke,they laugh some more.They look at each other,each thinking, "she's so happy,her life is brilliant.why mine be the same?"....
Ok so that was a little visual for you to ponder over.Did you see where i was going with that?All five of these girls are hiding behind something,masks that they've so expertly created for themselves."For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance,as though they were realities..."
You will not know a person's story until you have asked them and they have told you the truth.Behind the wit,the humour,the laughter,are people who are hurting.But as human as we are,we tend to clothe our vulnerability with a guise.
The thing is,most people pretend.It's easier that way.If we all walked around as we naturally are,i hardly doubt the world would be unrecognisable.People plaster on the fake smiles in order to face the outside world,only to peel them off behind closed doors where they are free to be themselves.They act nonchalant "oh life?it's a breeze..".Lies,all of it.
Whenever you ask someone "how are you?",do you mean it?.Sometimes,you're genuinely interested in the person's well-being but it's mostly just a polite formality.
I've come to the conclusion that it would be quite reckless to wish to have another person's life,because you don't know what you're getting.You only see the parts of themselves that they choose to show you.Plus you know what they say about these careful what you wish for cos you just might get it.
"We are all pretending.The important thing is to maintain a straight face" -Maurice Valency.

Friday, 8 July 2011

heads i win,tails you leave...

"Breaking up and saying that you guys can still be good friends is like having your dog die,but your mum saying you can keep it regardless".
The first part of that quote makes sense to some of you,doesn't it?some of you have been at this point before and others are going through it take a look at the second part.what do you think of it?The thick ones,roll it around in your brains for a bit.Done?Good.Now let's discuss's futlie,it's stupid.The end.
Break-ups are hard and almost everyone has that ONE sob story. Notice how my heading has reduced it all to the toss of a coin?
That's because in a lot of instances it is.People break up all the time,it's life.we argue,we cry,we get over it...eventually.But some people insist on prolonging an already painful journey."We're not together but we can still be good friends" <-----Some will argue that this is possible,it's effective,blah blah blah.Thing is i'm not here to write what you think so zip it :)
I think it's a big mistake to assume that two people can go back to the type of friendship they had before they ever got together.
I won't even lie,i've said it before.But i'll be truthful and tell you that i was just trying to hang on to something that was clearly no longer there.It's that story where one person holds on tight while the other lets go without looking back.
Being strong sometimes means hanging on.I get that,it's true.But it also means seeing a situation for what it really is and deciding to LET GO.I think SELF LOVE plays an important role here.Let's face it,you've been ditched,you're getting no face time (unless of course your ex is using your feelings against you to get some bed play).It may take a while to sink in but you must get to that point where you realize 'No,I DESERVE BETTER'.That's the beginning of the healing process.
"If you can't save your relationship,at least save your pride" !!!

Thursday, 7 July 2011

under construction...

So i've been meaning to start this blog for a while but i was plagued by so many questions and doubts.i didn't know what exactly i wanted to write about and i still don't,but i'm hoping that by some magical wave of an unknown person's wand,it'll somehow come to me.I asked myself constantly "Self,will anyone read this blog?" "will it be a flop?" but then i realized that those are insecurities and insecurity is a FEAR.'The only real prison is fear and the only real freedom is freedom from fear'.Plus,why should i fear mere muggles?it's not like you can throw rotten tomatoes at me if you don't like a certain opinion or post of mine.So i decided to just go for it and hope for the best.
I love sarcasm,it's a way of life that i choose to live.they say it's a language that confuses the stupid so if you're one of those who never gets it then you're stu...remember,'they say',not me.i'm just the messenger :) anyway,that's why i chose that title 'in the eyes of sarcasm'.Creative huh?NO?whatever loser -__-.
I like to think i'm very opinionated so i'll probably rant about this or that.But my main aim is to have fun with this blog and hope that you guys like it.If however,you  don't,kindly fill this out whenever you're free 'I ________ am a retarded human being and i don't know a good thing when i see it' lol.
And another thing,this is not twitter so forgive all spelling errors.Thanks! :)