Monday, 15 August 2011

insomniac tales...

So i have insomnia.I've had it since i was 8 years old.I'm 23 now so that means i've had it for 15 years.15 YEARS people!!it's been fun,it's been useful, but most of all,it has been a gigantic pain in my little black butt.Sorry,big butt.I have a huge ass.You can sit on it (you may quote me on this).

When it started,i really didn't think it was a problem,i thought it was cool.After midnight,most nights,i got front row seats to the teenage kids snogging in the park across from my house.Snogging,that's a really stupid word by the way.Anyway,they didn't only exchange saliva,which is what kissing really is.Sometimes,i saw the boys put their hands under the girls' skirts.Hmm,i wonder what they were looking for.

My mum,she used to come check on us in the middle of the night.Most times i just laid there really quietly and pretended to be asleep.i thought it was really creepy.It's as though she expected us to like,die or get kidnapped or something.Now i know it's something mothers and sometimes.fathers,do.One day she caught me.I didn't hear my door open because i was staring out at the weirdest thing i had ever seen.The girl was sitting on the swing with her skirt pulled up,and the guy was between her legs going back and forth.I don't know what i thought it was back then and you can't blame me,i was 8 and innocent.

Naturally,Akosua (my mum) thought i intentionally stayed up so that i could watch older kids 'do bad things'.That's how she put it.Sex is bad people,my mum said so.Nobody took me seriously for a long time and i kinda got used to it.But my goodness!the things other people do when they think you're asleep x______________x

I think masturbation is healthy.Everyone should explore themselves and find out exactly how their bodies work.Only problem is,i don't want to be in the room when you're 'entertaining' your eerrrrm...genitals.In SSS it was a nightmare.I won't mention names but if i happen to slip,know that any similarities between whoever's name i mention and the girls i roomed with is purely coincidental.

There was this one girl(name withheld),she couldn't get enough of herself.I mean damn dude,you're gonna need that finger to help you grip your pen in the morning so go easy on it.sheesh.She was skinny too,and she writhed on her bed like i imagine a sexy worm would.I started sleeping permanently on my left side.She was scarring me so i decided to count sheep to keep myself distracted.Every night she did it,one sheep didn't quite make it over the wall.the sexy worm's moaning distracted it,and made it queasy.

Uni was a mixture of things.My hostel gave me a lot of laughs.There are a lot of really horny people out there.People out on their balconies at the oddest hours doing THE DO,forgetting there were rooms right opposite theirs.I wonder if they just never thought of it or they just didn't care.

Catching people masturbating and catching them having sex,which one do you think is worse?they're both extremely disturbing.I've seen bad porn but nothing beats watching it live in the studio.I had a lower bunk.Sometimes the action was right above me.My bed would shake this way and that.the funny thing is,this girl never made a sound.The boy always seemed to be having fun though.It's either he's one of the idiots i talked about in my last post or the girl had her clitoris abandon her at an earlier age.Whatever it was,it was sad.

But this other roommate of mine.It was always a party in her vagina.A party that never flopped.At first,they would try to keep it quiet but i think they got fed up with doing that.They stopped hiding under blankets and let everything out.Once in a while i'd see a large hand grab a fairly large boob and all those other things people do during sex....It just occurred to me that i may need a shrink to fix all the damage that other people have caused.I'll  be sure to send them the bill.

This insomnia thing has helped me stay up to learn for exams,stay up late to talk to that boy i liked and it's also given me a general picture of the things people do when they think no one is watching.We all scratch our bums,most of you pick your noses and some of you go as far as blessing your mouths with whatever treasures you find in your noses.You're disgusting but i'm not judging O:)

I'm judging.

Saturday, 13 August 2011


This post was supposed to be didn't quite get there.forgive me.

Growing up,sex was never a forbidden topic in our house.When we asked questions,my parents always answered.But it wasn't until i was older that i realized they had lied to me a zillion times.first they said babies came from storks,those birds with the large beaks.Then they said babies magically appeared in a woman's tummy.Can't really blame them.At least they told me the truth eventually.

What exactly is sex though?Is it for entertainment?People in the villages must certainly think so.why,i bet when they run out of ananse stories to tell around an open fire,they orgies and stuff instead.Anyhoo,back to my question.Is it just for procreation?Pleasure?Exercise?Can't it be all of them?

i'll neglect to share my sexual experiences with you guys.Though i will tell you that...nah,forget it.You know those 'goody-two-shoes-can-never-surprise' kind of girls?Be afraid of them.The ones who keep quiet during a sex talk and act as though they know nothing?They're the worst.I never get girls who act innocent,when they're not.

Apparently,some girls think of sex as a chore.i talked to a couple of girls a while ago and they didn't even know what an orgasm seriously??what have they been doing?who have they been sleeping with?And this one girl,she does it only cos her boyfriend wants to.She said to me "i just lie there and spread my legs,when he's done,i get up".i wanted to cry.Why bother?why have your vagina beaten up when you don't even want it to begin with?

And the girls who fake orgasms..take this scenario: A boy and  girl,they're having sex,on a bed.She's lyng underneath him like a log,he's pumping away like there's no tomorrow.In her head she's probably thinking "when is this idiot gonna be done?i have dishes to wash and tom and jerry is coming on in 15 minutes".She has two choices; him what she wants him to do to her body
2.fake an orgasm
She picks door number two.She 'oooohs' and 'aaaaahs' and moans.then she 'cums'.By this time,the boy's probably got a stupid grin on his face,he's proud of himself and he's thinking "i tore that pussy up!".The fool.I don't understand how you can be doing such a lousy job and not know it.Is it some type of stupidity?Or just a need to elevate from the truth to avoid bruising your own ego?

I'm not saying don't fake orgasms.hell i really don't's your vagina,do what you want.but you should know you're only cheating yourself in the end,sucker.Not to mention,some poor guy is gonna walk around thinking he's a stud,until he meets and shags a girl who knows what she's about and isn't afraid to tell him exactly what she thinks.then he's just gonna be embarrassed.You could've helped him.Help a dick today.Better a dick today.Teach a dick today.don't fake anything, unless it's  menstrual cramps to get out of taking some test.

My parents had this kama sutra book they kept under their bed years ago.the positions! -__________- i try not to think about what they used it for.You shouldn't think about it either,you rotten people.They don't know that i knew about it, and it's probably a bad idea to be writing about it. they might chance upon this blog and my secret would be out in the open.ah well,i'll take my chances.

So these positions.You guys should try them. I don't think missionary is a bad position,i quite like it.But it's not the only position.

Just one more thing before i go.We were having dinner one night.My brother,who was 11 at the time turned to my dad and said "daddy,my penis won't get hard,i think it's broken".I had water in my mouth which mysteriously found its way onto my sister's face.Memorable moment.You care.goodbye.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

20 random things about me...

Lets see now...1.i'm left-handed(which of course makes me smart and creative and all those other great stuff :)
2.i'm an insomniac(you don't know the half of it)
3.i'm stupidly afraid of grasshoppers and cockroaches.'s hard sleeping without a teddy to impossible to fall asleep if i haven't bathed and brushed my teeth
6.i've had my heart broken once..or more...:( idea of a fun night is a good book(call me a nerd if u will)
8.i have a little brother who i'm 22 yrs older than(and yes,that makes me feel old)
9.I daydream that in some other life i was a gypsy just floating about or a tree hugger or nudist.don't judge me -__-
10.i love horror movies even though i'm afraid to fall asleep afterwards

11.i'm scared of the dark(if i'm walkin in a dark place my mind goes beserk and i usually end up running to wherever i'm going
12.i usually never watch a movie more than once
13.when i was a kid i wanted to be an air hostess or an actress.Never a doctor or a lawyer.
14.i absolutely LOVE rain ears are super sensitive.touch them if you have a death wish.
16.i talk a lot!!
17.i'm crazy about dimples and eyes
18.i cry easily and i prefer to do it in private
19.i find the colour lime green very offensive so if you wear this colour,i automatically loathe you;-)

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

when love goes wrong...

Have you ever heard of that saying that concludes that love makes people do stupid things?Even if you haven't,i'm sure it's something you already know.A lot of people think they've been in love before.I say think because it's quite common for infatuation or lust to be mistaken for love.And while 'in love',i bet you did some pretty outrageous things huh?you can share some with me in the comments part ^_^

When i was 'in love' i used to cook for my boyfriend.Not exactly outrageous but a very big deal to people who know me.See,the kitchen and i don't get along so well and the knives just hate my guts.Don't get me wrong,i'm a darn good cook,i just don't like doing it -_-

Love heals.I know this because i've seen it happen,to me and to people around me.But it also frigging hurts.Right from when you have this major crush on some boy in your class who doesn't even know you exist, even though you do your hair really nice and you borrow mum's perfume( i am NOT speaking from experience,a friend told me -__-).So yeah,love hurts,love heals.But it also destructs.

Growing up,there was this pretty little lady who babysat my sister during the week.She had two adorable kids of her own and they all got along really well.Now,i was young and all but i hardly missed whatever went on around me.She was always smiling but she had the saddest look in her eyes,the saddest.Sometimes,i would catch my mum giving her a hug and speaking to her in a low tone and it set my mind wondering "what could be wrong?"

I heard her story eventually and at the time i sort of regretted asking my mum cos it was so pathetic.But i guess it made me realize at such an early age that things aren't always as they seem.An abusive husband!!!!!She married a man she loved,hoping to have her feelings reciprocated,only to find out she was on a sinking ship.

It started not long after they got married.He would beat her and make her sleep on the floor.He beat her when she was pregnant with both kids,he beat her regardless of what state of health she was in.He beat her during sex.He raped her......She'd make food and she wouldn't be allowed to eat any.He'd come home,give some to the kids,and leave her the leftovers.She slept on the kids' bedroom floor because he wouldn't allow her into their matrimonial bed....He raped her....RAPE people!RAPE.This sounds like something straight out of one of those ridiculous Nigerian movies (don't be offended,we all know they suck and kill your brain cells)

But you know,the part i couldn't get over was her reason for staying in it.SHE LOVED HIM.I'm reeling over here!!!!!!!!!!How do you love someone who belittles you?Someone who makes you feel less of a human being?Someone who's very shadow makes you tremble with fear?Who's words cut you so deep?She was in it for years and years.

Good news is,she finally found her voice and went to the police.She saved herself and her kids from that sorry excuse for a human being and a total waste of oxygen (yes,i'm mad).BUT what worries me now is that i have friends who are just waltzing into situations like this.Sure it's not full blown punches to the stomach or slaps that will send you flying across the room,but a large fire begins as a flame.

Those demeaning comments he/she makes about you.That occasional slap just because you didn't do it his way.The glare that makes your skin crawl.They are all signs that you should run in the opposite direction.But sadly,signs that most people are blind to because of LOVE -_______- I hope none of you reading this are going through these things.But if you are,i do hope that you love yourself enough to get out.

AND if you're reading this and you are the pig i've described,you're a lowlife scumbag who shouldn't even be blessed with life.No one can create a human being so no one has the right to make another person's life a living hell.May you never know happiness when all you cause is pain.

“Domestic violence causes far more pain than the visible marks of bruises and scars. It is devastating to be abused by someone that you love and think loves you in return.......” – Dianne Feinstein

Our hearts still beat.We have life.We must live it.Without fear of another human being.