Thursday, 17 April 2014

Sincerely.



Hello, my darling,

I know, i know. My reply is late, forgive me.

I love the letter you wrote me, it was so heartfelt and beautiful and I really appreciated it. I actually didn't even wait to get home before reading it, I read it in the trotro on the way to my junction. When I got home I started to write a letter back so that I could give it to you on Friday when we met up but I wasn't satisfied with how it turned out. So I decided that I would send you an email rather, because that way, you would have this letter forever and ever (unless the internet and emails become things of the past, which I doubt would ever happen).

I think that I am pretty private about the different unfortunate circumstances that I have been through. Most of the people who call themselves my friends don't know many things about me. This is mainly because I trust very few people and also, I feel as though a lot of people would treat me different (give me sympathy and be overly nice, which is gross) if they knew my full story.

You have been truly great. You and I are so different on so many levels but despite all that, we became very close, which was quite surprising to me because I never expected to make close friends here.

I gladly admit that I have fears. I usually don't voice them out because then they seem much larger than they probably are but I have them. I'm scared that everyone I love will hurt me like people have in the past, I'm scared that I might not become the person that I want to become (gracious wife, loving mother, smart career woman, trusting friend), I'm scared that one day i'll forget how to smile, because sometimes it's too hard. I try to keep a sunny disposition a lot of the time (nice way of talking about how much I fool), but even during the days when I was gloomy at work, you were always patient with me.

When it comes to God, i'm grateful that you never bombarded me with questions about why I'm not taking Christianity seriously. Drawing away from God wasn't a decision I took, I never set out for it to happen. I loved Him and I trusted Him and He made me feel better when everything around me was crashing down. But as time went on, things started to change and I started to question a lot of things. I didn't even really realise that I was drawing away until I was almost completely unmoved by His word. Right now, I can't tell you that I know what exactly I believe, but I think that if i'm meant to find my way back to God and Christianity, then i will. This thing might be just a phase of my life or it might not be. You should pray for me :p

I know things aren't easy for you though you never really showed any weakness. You might not think so but I think you're very strong. I know you and your mum have been through and are going through some of your own challenges but you are positive and you have enough light in you to share with me and many other people. You're really smart and I don't have any doubt in my mind that you're going to go far. I learnt a lot from you and I hope that I at least made you happy during my time here.

I love you like a sister and I hope that you and I can keep in touch (or else, i'll kill you).

P.S. I need weekly updates on Mary's hair disasters (photos included). Thank you in advance.