...whispering thoughts...

I'd like to think i'll get married someday and have that ideal life that every normal human being hopes for.I haven't quite gotten to the point where i know exactly what i want my wedding dress to look like though.The only thing i know for certain is how my cake is gonna look like and just how many layers it's gonna have.See,i love cake,my life would be incomplete without it.So much that i'm not gonna share it with anyone :| so i've warned you guys,bring your own cake!

But there are so many hurdles to cross with this whole marriage thing,i mean,i've seen it.It can get pretty ugly.If i try to get inspiration from married people around me i'll have to look really hard and long to see past the bad to get to the good.It's like everyone is divorced or on the verge of!it's sad.

I've seen what divorce does to families,to individuals.It hasn't helped my family much,it broke it for a time an we're still dealing with it.I don't think anyone is left unaffected by divorce but it's kids that are hurt the most.

Everyone handles pain differently.I lose my appetite completely.i write, I CRY,a whole lot.Now my baby sister,she's a quiet one.She never outwardly reacts to things,unless it's out of disgust and she has one of her famous sarcastic comments to offer..You never know what she's thinking and that's the scary part.So it was difficult trying to imagine exactly how bad the damage was when our parents split up.

But i'm smart so i figured it all out.It's a simple equation really.Parents who are too preoccupied with themselves to notice the chain reaction they've begun.Siblings who are each hurting in their own way...
But i'm her big sister and no matter how many times she rolls her eyes when i complain about how fat i'm getting,i know she looks up to me.(Mya,if you're reading this,quit shaking your head,i know you do)

I don't deserve the 'best sister award',but gimme a little more time and i will.I'm supposed to fill in for where my parents fall short, and be there for her whenever she needs me.We piss each other off,we fight but it's gotten to the point where we've come to appreciate each other and we're rebuilding our relationship :)

I believe God gives us brothers and sisters to fill up that space in our hearts that is primarily meant for them.They have a purpose in our lives.They're a blessing,cushions you can fall on when everything or everyone else bails.Lemme just say that i love my brothers too (before one of them see's this and has a hissy fit that i didn't mention him).

We have to take care of each other,look out for each other and encourage each other.We're the blessing that came out of a marriage that no longer is.Us four are FAMILY :)